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An Open Message to Donald Trump
Jan. 7th, 2020 08:17 pm
Mister Trump: you're not a psycho. You're not a monster. You're too human for such hyperbolic terms.
You are, however, sociopathic: an ignorant, foolish, self-centered moron who cares nothing for the sanctity of life, your country, the countries of others, or anything but your own enrichment.
But mostly, sir, you are a murderer.
May you be extradited to the Hague for war crimes.
Immediately.
You are, however, sociopathic: an ignorant, foolish, self-centered moron who cares nothing for the sanctity of life, your country, the countries of others, or anything but your own enrichment.
But mostly, sir, you are a murderer.
May you be extradited to the Hague for war crimes.
Immediately.
Ricky Gervais is "Safe"
Jan. 7th, 2020 10:30 amHmmm... Okay, I've now seen a ton of Ricky Gervais' Golden Globes bits and I'm not sure why all the news articles I've read keep calling him "edgy". I mean his material wasn't shocking or on-the-edge at all!
Basically, Ricky Gervais' performance was like a really average game of Cards Against Humanity, played late at night, at a sci-fi con between drunk friends only without everyone in attendance being in on the experience.
The more I think about it, the more I realize that Gervais is just a mainstream person's idea of what "being on the edge" is. He's a safe choice when you don't *really* want someone to challenge or upset your audience.
The Golden Globes just wanted someone with the *reputation* of being "out there" and "dangerous". That's the reason Ricky Gervais was hired in the first place. But it was just an illusion.
In the end, his performance and the show were ... tepid; at best.
Yours,
Sylvan
Basically, Ricky Gervais' performance was like a really average game of Cards Against Humanity, played late at night, at a sci-fi con between drunk friends only without everyone in attendance being in on the experience.
The more I think about it, the more I realize that Gervais is just a mainstream person's idea of what "being on the edge" is. He's a safe choice when you don't *really* want someone to challenge or upset your audience.
The Golden Globes just wanted someone with the *reputation* of being "out there" and "dangerous". That's the reason Ricky Gervais was hired in the first place. But it was just an illusion.
In the end, his performance and the show were ... tepid; at best.
Yours,
Sylvan
End of the Year
Dec. 30th, 2019 10:43 amThis past year hasn't been my worst but my time since Thanksgiving has been pretty bad.
My back went out, again, the Sunday before Thanksgiving and has been causing me limited mobility and great pain ever since. It comes and goes with my most mobile times being earlier in the day and my ability to work or think clearly decreasing after about 2 or 3pm. I can't use stairs easily when I'm like this and I tend to avoid things that require standing for long periods, as well. Making the bed and doing laundry is difficult and I've been asking my renters to deal with shoveling for over a year, now.
During this time, I've had a lot to do and it hasn't left me in the best state of mind.
I've had several large meals to work on: cooking Thanksgiving turkey and side dishes being the biggest of them. I also went shopping for groceries as we got close to Christmas and I still remember the 3 hours that took (with plenty of resting to sit down between trips into the aisles) before getting home and collapsing. I've been doing what I can for everyday tasks but they leave me worn out, angry, and depressed.
Mind you, the current political climate and state of the world with regards to human rights and climate change has been depressing me even further. I honestly think Trump will probably be re-elected despite all the horrific things he's done. I see the world's freedoms as crumbling under authoritarianism. Corporations, oligarchs, the 1%, entrenched politicians and judges, news sources that are more infotainment than information, corporations that are basically political machines to tilt the world in their direction ... I have no hope left.
I can't really share this with the world, so I write it here. No one but one or two friends look here anyway so at least I won't flood my family and friends with how awful I feel.
These past week has been increasingly difficult as retrospectives of 2019 flood me with all the awfulness the world has had to offer. They're everywhere: TV, twitter, YouTube, Facebook ... everywhere. People talk about them and act so happy that New Years' is coming despite it being just another nail in our coffin.
I've tried to find a new therapist, and have been trying since August, but no luck so far. I'm going to get my head scanned to see if there are other issues with my depression and anxiety (stemming from an injury I suffered as a child when neighbor kids, bullying me, dropped a can of rocks on my head from the top of their garage). But the head-scan and other mental health assessments can only begin in late March. Every place is so full up in the Twin Cities that I found no other options.
Over the past two weeks, more than just the annual "year in review" news-bursts, I began helping out with my Mother who got an agonizing case of shingles meaning my siblings and I definitely had to step up and help her as she prepared for Christmas at her home. I took in some laundry and prepared some food as well as went to church with her on Christmas Eve (my usual activity ... I stopped staying over Christmas Eve night a few years ago as her bed is hell on my back and stopped cooking Christmas Eve dinner, too, for the same reason).
All the work I did, coupled with my day job and my responsibilities as a referee for Pathfinder have left me with no time to unwind. I have too much to do. Even when I sit down to watch TV, it doesn't feel relaxing. It feels like I should be up and doing the things that need doing. This just adds to my stress.
I'm spending too much money, helping roommates, and my medical bills suddenly resurfaced 6 months after my fall back in June. That killed my holiday budget but didn't stop me from doing what needed to be done. I've put about a thousand dollars on my credit card this season and still feel like I'm floundering.
Going into 2020 I don't know if I'm going to improve at all.
I need better chairs (at my desk at home, at my desk at work, in the living room, etc...) for my back and I can't afford those, now. I need to STILL replace the doors on the house, get it re-wired, get the lawn re-sodded, get gasses in the basement mitigated (I can't remember what type ... radon?), get the kitchen re-done so it's more useful, get a new kitchen table and chairs that will hold my weight and support my back, get a new fridge that will fit all our needs, move the printer up from the basement so I can actually use it (since going downstairs is a problem for me, much of the time, putting it beyond me), get my new computer into my room and put together (which is very difficult since my back and hips are in such pain with so much stiffness), get my room clean (still have all my luggage out from CONvergence, my laundry everywhere, and piles of shit dating back to 2014 when I first threw out my back), get a better bathtub/shower that can accommodate me, a car that is higher-up and with better seating for me and my back, somehow finding a way to do laundry when the machines are in the basement and I can't easily get there, and fix the garage floor/door.
All these things keep piling up and I've had almost no time to go through my last post and actually try to dig at my underlying mental health issues.
I know that, in part, the end-of-the-year crap is compounding all this but these are real, tangible issues as well. I should be charging $600/month for my rental rooms but none of my tenants can afford that and I'm not about to put them out of a home. So I just have to suck it up and pay for all the things they don't see everyday and don't think about.
I'm feeling increasingly stuck and unable to fix my life.
So, yeah: 2019 hasn't been the worst year ever but all my years are getting worse and worse as they progress.
And that's my year-end report.
Yours,
Sylvan (Dave)
My back went out, again, the Sunday before Thanksgiving and has been causing me limited mobility and great pain ever since. It comes and goes with my most mobile times being earlier in the day and my ability to work or think clearly decreasing after about 2 or 3pm. I can't use stairs easily when I'm like this and I tend to avoid things that require standing for long periods, as well. Making the bed and doing laundry is difficult and I've been asking my renters to deal with shoveling for over a year, now.
During this time, I've had a lot to do and it hasn't left me in the best state of mind.
I've had several large meals to work on: cooking Thanksgiving turkey and side dishes being the biggest of them. I also went shopping for groceries as we got close to Christmas and I still remember the 3 hours that took (with plenty of resting to sit down between trips into the aisles) before getting home and collapsing. I've been doing what I can for everyday tasks but they leave me worn out, angry, and depressed.
Mind you, the current political climate and state of the world with regards to human rights and climate change has been depressing me even further. I honestly think Trump will probably be re-elected despite all the horrific things he's done. I see the world's freedoms as crumbling under authoritarianism. Corporations, oligarchs, the 1%, entrenched politicians and judges, news sources that are more infotainment than information, corporations that are basically political machines to tilt the world in their direction ... I have no hope left.
I can't really share this with the world, so I write it here. No one but one or two friends look here anyway so at least I won't flood my family and friends with how awful I feel.
These past week has been increasingly difficult as retrospectives of 2019 flood me with all the awfulness the world has had to offer. They're everywhere: TV, twitter, YouTube, Facebook ... everywhere. People talk about them and act so happy that New Years' is coming despite it being just another nail in our coffin.
I've tried to find a new therapist, and have been trying since August, but no luck so far. I'm going to get my head scanned to see if there are other issues with my depression and anxiety (stemming from an injury I suffered as a child when neighbor kids, bullying me, dropped a can of rocks on my head from the top of their garage). But the head-scan and other mental health assessments can only begin in late March. Every place is so full up in the Twin Cities that I found no other options.
Over the past two weeks, more than just the annual "year in review" news-bursts, I began helping out with my Mother who got an agonizing case of shingles meaning my siblings and I definitely had to step up and help her as she prepared for Christmas at her home. I took in some laundry and prepared some food as well as went to church with her on Christmas Eve (my usual activity ... I stopped staying over Christmas Eve night a few years ago as her bed is hell on my back and stopped cooking Christmas Eve dinner, too, for the same reason).
All the work I did, coupled with my day job and my responsibilities as a referee for Pathfinder have left me with no time to unwind. I have too much to do. Even when I sit down to watch TV, it doesn't feel relaxing. It feels like I should be up and doing the things that need doing. This just adds to my stress.
I'm spending too much money, helping roommates, and my medical bills suddenly resurfaced 6 months after my fall back in June. That killed my holiday budget but didn't stop me from doing what needed to be done. I've put about a thousand dollars on my credit card this season and still feel like I'm floundering.
Going into 2020 I don't know if I'm going to improve at all.
I need better chairs (at my desk at home, at my desk at work, in the living room, etc...) for my back and I can't afford those, now. I need to STILL replace the doors on the house, get it re-wired, get the lawn re-sodded, get gasses in the basement mitigated (I can't remember what type ... radon?), get the kitchen re-done so it's more useful, get a new kitchen table and chairs that will hold my weight and support my back, get a new fridge that will fit all our needs, move the printer up from the basement so I can actually use it (since going downstairs is a problem for me, much of the time, putting it beyond me), get my new computer into my room and put together (which is very difficult since my back and hips are in such pain with so much stiffness), get my room clean (still have all my luggage out from CONvergence, my laundry everywhere, and piles of shit dating back to 2014 when I first threw out my back), get a better bathtub/shower that can accommodate me, a car that is higher-up and with better seating for me and my back, somehow finding a way to do laundry when the machines are in the basement and I can't easily get there, and fix the garage floor/door.
All these things keep piling up and I've had almost no time to go through my last post and actually try to dig at my underlying mental health issues.
I know that, in part, the end-of-the-year crap is compounding all this but these are real, tangible issues as well. I should be charging $600/month for my rental rooms but none of my tenants can afford that and I'm not about to put them out of a home. So I just have to suck it up and pay for all the things they don't see everyday and don't think about.
I'm feeling increasingly stuck and unable to fix my life.
So, yeah: 2019 hasn't been the worst year ever but all my years are getting worse and worse as they progress.
And that's my year-end report.
Yours,
Sylvan (Dave)
Tags:
One Bad Year
Nov. 27th, 2019 06:43 amThe roots, I think, of my anxiety (and, thereby, depression) lie in one bad year. I can't get it out of my head. At first I thought about the events as disparate, impactful occurrences that just sort of randomly struck my life. Only recently did I start thinking about them in aggregate: their sum-total emotional impact as it applied to my long-term outlook.
I now believe that my anxiety is rooted in the destruction of my old worldview. It was a personal, unstated philosophy that essentially said, "In the end, things are just; things are fair ... the world can be rough but if you persevere and trust in yourself, you'll make it through." My faith in myself and my confidence in my ability to succeed was gradually demolished over the course of one, very bad year.
The worst year.
That worst year of my life started with my Dad being diagnosed with a glioblastoma: a cancerous brain tumor that gave him a six-month life expectancy. Almost to the day, a half year later, he was gone. Within days of that, the Russian technological marvel, Mir, was de-orbited and burned up in the atmosphere. A week after that, I lost my job when the corporation that bought our Web development firm decided they wanted our clients and not us. Unemployed, I tried to find work but, then, the dot-com bubble burst. All around me, the biggest employers of my field stopped hiring and started failing. That fall, while working in a warehouse doing manual labor, terrorists destroyed the World Trade Center and sent our country spiraling into an era of ultra-nationalism, authoritarianism, and war. What began with a devastating prognosis ended with a dire portent that lasts to this day.
A few years later, without noticing, I began to feel like I couldn't go on. I didn't connect this with "the worst year" but I knew I had to get help. I sought out a therapist.
I've been on islands of sanity since then, aided by various therapists each trying to address my multiple, seemingly disconnected problems. Sadly, none of that therapy has stuck around for the long-term. I've been unable to plan for my future without help or even trust that the world will turn out okay. I believe, honestly, that things are just going to keep getting worse.
I woke up, this morning, and couldn't get back to sleep. I ended up lying in bed thinking about Dad.
I really miss him but, also, really miss the person I used to be back then.
I miss my positivity and faith in myself.
I now believe that my anxiety is rooted in the destruction of my old worldview. It was a personal, unstated philosophy that essentially said, "In the end, things are just; things are fair ... the world can be rough but if you persevere and trust in yourself, you'll make it through." My faith in myself and my confidence in my ability to succeed was gradually demolished over the course of one, very bad year.
The worst year.
That worst year of my life started with my Dad being diagnosed with a glioblastoma: a cancerous brain tumor that gave him a six-month life expectancy. Almost to the day, a half year later, he was gone. Within days of that, the Russian technological marvel, Mir, was de-orbited and burned up in the atmosphere. A week after that, I lost my job when the corporation that bought our Web development firm decided they wanted our clients and not us. Unemployed, I tried to find work but, then, the dot-com bubble burst. All around me, the biggest employers of my field stopped hiring and started failing. That fall, while working in a warehouse doing manual labor, terrorists destroyed the World Trade Center and sent our country spiraling into an era of ultra-nationalism, authoritarianism, and war. What began with a devastating prognosis ended with a dire portent that lasts to this day.
A few years later, without noticing, I began to feel like I couldn't go on. I didn't connect this with "the worst year" but I knew I had to get help. I sought out a therapist.
I've been on islands of sanity since then, aided by various therapists each trying to address my multiple, seemingly disconnected problems. Sadly, none of that therapy has stuck around for the long-term. I've been unable to plan for my future without help or even trust that the world will turn out okay. I believe, honestly, that things are just going to keep getting worse.
I woke up, this morning, and couldn't get back to sleep. I ended up lying in bed thinking about Dad.
I really miss him but, also, really miss the person I used to be back then.
I miss my positivity and faith in myself.
Bob's Gone
Oct. 15th, 2019 08:44 amYesterday, around 5pm, I found out that someone I know very well took his own life last Friday.
I've known people who have died by suicide in the past but Bob is the closest person to have ever done so.
Here's the problem: while he and I were friends for decades, we had a falling out over gun ownership and prevalence in the U.S., about 14 months ago. He blew up and cut all ties with me, warning me to never speak with him again.
I took him at his word and, at the time, was just glad that our increasing spats over this issue (and others) was finally over. Our friendship had been deteriorating for months with elements such as him blaming liberals for having gone so far to the left that they were responsible for him supporting Trump and becoming a Ben Shapiro-quoting, FOX-watching conservative.
So, now that he's gone, I'm frustrated. I'm not feeling anything.
I'm not feeling that anhedonic numbness I know so well and I'm not sad. I'm just ... "not feeling".
Not happy. Not sad. Just confused and frustrated that I'm not having much of a reaction at all.
I am concerned that this is a new flavor of detachment that has been growing in me for a while and that, only now, am I noticing it.
I've known people who have died by suicide in the past but Bob is the closest person to have ever done so.
Here's the problem: while he and I were friends for decades, we had a falling out over gun ownership and prevalence in the U.S., about 14 months ago. He blew up and cut all ties with me, warning me to never speak with him again.
I took him at his word and, at the time, was just glad that our increasing spats over this issue (and others) was finally over. Our friendship had been deteriorating for months with elements such as him blaming liberals for having gone so far to the left that they were responsible for him supporting Trump and becoming a Ben Shapiro-quoting, FOX-watching conservative.
So, now that he's gone, I'm frustrated. I'm not feeling anything.
I'm not feeling that anhedonic numbness I know so well and I'm not sad. I'm just ... "not feeling".
Not happy. Not sad. Just confused and frustrated that I'm not having much of a reaction at all.
I am concerned that this is a new flavor of detachment that has been growing in me for a while and that, only now, am I noticing it.
Recent Depression Problems
Aug. 19th, 2019 08:33 am
I've been suffering increased depression of late; almost as if my meds aren't working or there's some new problem within my brain. I can't really tell and it's frustrating.
I'm sharing this because maybe someone can help me identify the cause. My Google-fu isn't helping.
My new therapist isn't really doing much for me. This is partly because I'm just not clicking with him. He's overly enthusiastic & his empathy feels forced. The CBT techniques he provides have also not been very practical in day-to-day living.
That said, I will tell him.
But lately I've been feeling sad and "unimpressed" by life around me. I'll get motivated for short spurts but even my beloved game world and short stories aren't providing long-term release. My home feels predictable and smothering.
My environment's deadening my emotion.
But I can't break out of it. When I leave home, it only helps for a short while. I took a long drive Saturday morning and that helped for a short while. But I was still in my car. It was still part of my expected scenery & felt like I was looking for something invisible.
On Sundays and Saturdays (when I'm not running a game), for months now, I've been feeling drained and bored with life. I'll just sit around and feel guilty for not doing anything productive. Yesterday, I tried to fight that by writing. But even that started to hurt.
I could get lost in my writing and editing but, gradually, it became drudgery: something that I was doing because I was forcing it ... not something I felt any joy in.
I'm used to anhedonia but this was deeper and more substantive. It hurt the longer it lasted.
Part of that comes from the fact that I've written quite a bit but I get no sense of satisfaction from it and no one outside of me seems to care. I've not put a new story out in a long while. This is because I've been writing a series of them that I'd like to publish.
This is also true of my game-creation. I love crafting worlds. It's my obsession. But, most terrifyingly, of late even that's been empty and devoid of joy. That's the one thing, in all my years of struggling with anxiety and depression, that I thought I'd never lose.
Watching TV or YouTube helps numbs the numbness (if that makes any sense) and, eventually, even those passtimes also start to feel stultifying.
I'm feeling isolated and without validation in direct, physical, tangible companionship.
Thus: I feel like I'm drifting away.
I guess that's it. At work I have stuff forced on me that I have to do. That fills my time. And co-workers seem to care about what I do. Not always and not enough but it's better than my home life.
I'm just not sure there's an answer, though.
Does that make sense?
If you have any experience with this and why it may be flooding my brain (perhaps, even, if you have experience with addressing these problems) I'd really, really like to hear about it.
I'm sharing this because maybe someone can help me identify the cause. My Google-fu isn't helping.
My new therapist isn't really doing much for me. This is partly because I'm just not clicking with him. He's overly enthusiastic & his empathy feels forced. The CBT techniques he provides have also not been very practical in day-to-day living.
That said, I will tell him.
But lately I've been feeling sad and "unimpressed" by life around me. I'll get motivated for short spurts but even my beloved game world and short stories aren't providing long-term release. My home feels predictable and smothering.
My environment's deadening my emotion.
But I can't break out of it. When I leave home, it only helps for a short while. I took a long drive Saturday morning and that helped for a short while. But I was still in my car. It was still part of my expected scenery & felt like I was looking for something invisible.
On Sundays and Saturdays (when I'm not running a game), for months now, I've been feeling drained and bored with life. I'll just sit around and feel guilty for not doing anything productive. Yesterday, I tried to fight that by writing. But even that started to hurt.
I could get lost in my writing and editing but, gradually, it became drudgery: something that I was doing because I was forcing it ... not something I felt any joy in.
I'm used to anhedonia but this was deeper and more substantive. It hurt the longer it lasted.
Part of that comes from the fact that I've written quite a bit but I get no sense of satisfaction from it and no one outside of me seems to care. I've not put a new story out in a long while. This is because I've been writing a series of them that I'd like to publish.
This is also true of my game-creation. I love crafting worlds. It's my obsession. But, most terrifyingly, of late even that's been empty and devoid of joy. That's the one thing, in all my years of struggling with anxiety and depression, that I thought I'd never lose.
Watching TV or YouTube helps numbs the numbness (if that makes any sense) and, eventually, even those passtimes also start to feel stultifying.
I'm feeling isolated and without validation in direct, physical, tangible companionship.
Thus: I feel like I'm drifting away.
I guess that's it. At work I have stuff forced on me that I have to do. That fills my time. And co-workers seem to care about what I do. Not always and not enough but it's better than my home life.
I'm just not sure there's an answer, though.
Does that make sense?
If you have any experience with this and why it may be flooding my brain (perhaps, even, if you have experience with addressing these problems) I'd really, really like to hear about it.
#DumpDominos and Support Web Accessibility
Aug. 3rd, 2019 06:42 am#DumpDominos Please share links to this post.
A brief history: The Web began development in 1989. Screen-readers (the primary means for the blind and visually-impaired accessing information on computers) had already been invented, the year before. By the time college access and public access were available for the first time, all people had equal access to the Web. Blind people as well as sighted have, from the beginning, been able to access the World Wide Web.
Domino's is being disingenuous when they say that accessibility compliance opens them up to future lawsuits, especially when people suing under the ADA do not get any compensation. All that happens in an Americans With Disabilities case is that the offending company is ordered to make reasonable accommodations. In Domino's case, this amounts to about $38,000 by their own estimate.
Personally, I think that number is a bit high.
I've been in charge of Web accessibility for nearly two decades of my Web and eCommerce career. It is not difficult to create a site that is accessible. What it requires is considering the needs, up-front, when a change or update or design is being implemented. If you do that, you're fine. If you didn't, and you have to go back and make updates, it gets a bit more expensive. But it is not onerous.
This is making certain that everyone has access.
I get it: Domino's is cheap food. But they aren't the only places that serve cheap pizza. With the proliferation of Bite Squad, Door Dash, Grub Hub, Uber Eats, and other services, more and more stores are within reach. Domino's claims that their brick-and-mortar locations are perfectly fine for people with disabilities to come in and order their food as well as phoning them and placing an order by voice. They claim that it is onerous for it be required for them, or any company, to be accessible on phones, browsers, and computers.
They are, simply put, wrong.
It is not onerous and it is not sufficient. If you reach enough people via a certain communication method for it to be worth your while then it is also worth your while to make that method as accessible as possible.
So, yeah: if you're low on cash, that's understandable. But, please: avoid Domino's. Go for Pizza Hut, Little Caesars, or a nice, local, family-run joint! This is not about them protecting themselves from future litigation. It's about them being greedy and lazy, trying to shave ever more fine pennies from their bottom line. People want to spend their money with Domino's. Domino's should get out of their way and let them.
In the interim, I've got a new slogan for them: "Cheap Food, Cheaper Web Site".
#DumpDominos
Again, please share links to this post.
https://www.theverge.com/2019/8/1/20750913/dominos-pizza-website-accessible-blind-supreme-court-lawsuit
A brief history: The Web began development in 1989. Screen-readers (the primary means for the blind and visually-impaired accessing information on computers) had already been invented, the year before. By the time college access and public access were available for the first time, all people had equal access to the Web. Blind people as well as sighted have, from the beginning, been able to access the World Wide Web.
Domino's is being disingenuous when they say that accessibility compliance opens them up to future lawsuits, especially when people suing under the ADA do not get any compensation. All that happens in an Americans With Disabilities case is that the offending company is ordered to make reasonable accommodations. In Domino's case, this amounts to about $38,000 by their own estimate.
Personally, I think that number is a bit high.
I've been in charge of Web accessibility for nearly two decades of my Web and eCommerce career. It is not difficult to create a site that is accessible. What it requires is considering the needs, up-front, when a change or update or design is being implemented. If you do that, you're fine. If you didn't, and you have to go back and make updates, it gets a bit more expensive. But it is not onerous.
This is making certain that everyone has access.
I get it: Domino's is cheap food. But they aren't the only places that serve cheap pizza. With the proliferation of Bite Squad, Door Dash, Grub Hub, Uber Eats, and other services, more and more stores are within reach. Domino's claims that their brick-and-mortar locations are perfectly fine for people with disabilities to come in and order their food as well as phoning them and placing an order by voice. They claim that it is onerous for it be required for them, or any company, to be accessible on phones, browsers, and computers.
They are, simply put, wrong.
It is not onerous and it is not sufficient. If you reach enough people via a certain communication method for it to be worth your while then it is also worth your while to make that method as accessible as possible.
So, yeah: if you're low on cash, that's understandable. But, please: avoid Domino's. Go for Pizza Hut, Little Caesars, or a nice, local, family-run joint! This is not about them protecting themselves from future litigation. It's about them being greedy and lazy, trying to shave ever more fine pennies from their bottom line. People want to spend their money with Domino's. Domino's should get out of their way and let them.
In the interim, I've got a new slogan for them: "Cheap Food, Cheaper Web Site".
#DumpDominos
Again, please share links to this post.
https://www.theverge.com/2019/8/1/20750913/dominos-pizza-website-accessible-blind-supreme-court-lawsuit
Feeling Myself Again
Jun. 2nd, 2019 08:05 pm
Something very positive to share.
Today, while watching "Godzilla: King of the Monsters", I felt a rush of truly, in-the-moment attention and happiness. This isn't the sort of positive emotion I'm used to, of late. Rather, this is how I used to feel before the depression.
This wasn't the movie's doing, either. It was great, yeah, but nothing has really been able to penetrate my depression for a long time. It helped, yeah, but so has this past week talking to a new therapist (the first in about a year-and-a-half), working on my games, doing some writing, being respected at my job, and other little things.
Most of all, though, I attribute my upswing in mood to friends.
I honestly feel that, if I hadn't spent a solid 4 days with my best friends last week, I wouldn't be saying this, now.
The darkness will return. I get that. I KNOW it, deep in my bones. But this unusual state of mind really has lifted me up even, now, as it's fading into the background of my life. I know this is not the end of my depression but -holy shit- it sure felt like it!
I'm so happy to have felt that way, again, even if just for a few minutes!
I feel so good; I'm so refreshed and feeling renewed, today!
I'm going to build on this and see how far I can take these positive feelings, even as they become more ordinary emotions!
Thank you to all my great friends both locally and from afar! You really matter!
I love you, all!
Yours,
Sylvan
Today, while watching "Godzilla: King of the Monsters", I felt a rush of truly, in-the-moment attention and happiness. This isn't the sort of positive emotion I'm used to, of late. Rather, this is how I used to feel before the depression.
This wasn't the movie's doing, either. It was great, yeah, but nothing has really been able to penetrate my depression for a long time. It helped, yeah, but so has this past week talking to a new therapist (the first in about a year-and-a-half), working on my games, doing some writing, being respected at my job, and other little things.
Most of all, though, I attribute my upswing in mood to friends.
I honestly feel that, if I hadn't spent a solid 4 days with my best friends last week, I wouldn't be saying this, now.
The darkness will return. I get that. I KNOW it, deep in my bones. But this unusual state of mind really has lifted me up even, now, as it's fading into the background of my life. I know this is not the end of my depression but -holy shit- it sure felt like it!
I'm so happy to have felt that way, again, even if just for a few minutes!
I feel so good; I'm so refreshed and feeling renewed, today!
I'm going to build on this and see how far I can take these positive feelings, even as they become more ordinary emotions!
Thank you to all my great friends both locally and from afar! You really matter!
I love you, all!
Yours,
Sylvan
I don't understand HMO logic, sometimes
Mar. 31st, 2019 09:27 am(Doctor prescribes increased dosage of 90mg.)
Me (after 3 days): Uh, where's my meds?
HMO: We only cover 2 pills per day and the medication only comes in 30, 60, and 120mg tablets.
Me: And...?
HMO: You already take 1 per day.
Me: And...?
HMO: We only cover 2.
Me: Can't you provide a 30 with my 60?
HMO: Oh, yeah. I guess so!
Me: <facepalm>
Me (after 3 days): Uh, where's my meds?
HMO: We only cover 2 pills per day and the medication only comes in 30, 60, and 120mg tablets.
Me: And...?
HMO: You already take 1 per day.
Me: And...?
HMO: We only cover 2.
Me: Can't you provide a 30 with my 60?
HMO: Oh, yeah. I guess so!
Me: <facepalm>
I think that the rise in anxiety and anxiety-fueled depression is a direct result of our societies not meeting the implied promise of a fairer, more just future for us all. I say this because every day feels like walking a tightrope. We have less and less safety or reassurance that we'll not slip and fall, without help getting up, as time goes on. Rather than build a world where we can all excel, we are led by people who keep trying to come up with one-size-fits-all rules and systems that, if we don't match their requirements, we're screwed.
Marriage. Housing. Income. Food. Safety. Retirement.
As you get older, these become increasingly out of reach. And if you stumble while reaching for one them, our systems refuse to help.
Marriage. Housing. Income. Food. Safety. Retirement.
As you get older, these become increasingly out of reach. And if you stumble while reaching for one them, our systems refuse to help.
Patreon: Taking The Plunge
Mar. 17th, 2019 09:30 pm
I must confess I'm very scared; very nervous.
I've wanted to make a living off of my gaming and fantasy creations ever since I first discovered the joy of Advanced Dungeons & Dragons back in 1979. But despite trying my hand at it a couple times, I always allowed myself to get discouraged by the fearful prophesies and warnings of family and my own doubts. I was always terrified that I would never be able to afford a home, afford a life, if I tried this.
And, so, I would attempt small creations here and there, but never actually tried making a life for myself in the gaming industry. I was convinced I couldn't make it work.
I let fear rule me.
Honestly, fear still does.
But I'm 51, now. I've got more grey in my beard than brown. And despite having been published once (the Chill gaming module, "UnDead & Buried") and created many stories on my own, I've never taken the risk to try this, seriously.
And, so, I've created my first Patreon.
I'm not quitting my day job. But I'm trying to create things and make money doing it.
I've also published my first gaming supplement over on DriveThru RPG: "d20 - A Few Extra Skills".
And...
Damn, I'm scared.
I want validation. I want it worse than all those stand-up comedians who say they want validation. And I'm still suffering through all my mental problems and anxieties. I don't have my life figured out.
But if I don't try this, if I don't take the chance, it'll be another 30 years and I'll be in the grave having never tried.
I don't like uncertainty. I don't like fear. I don't like being hated, ignored, loathed, or dismissed as "not good enough".
But I can't let my fear that my unrealistic desires will never yield good things for me. I have to try!
I don't know if I can do this.
I honestly don't.
But I have to give it a shot.
Yours,
Sylvan (Dave)
I've wanted to make a living off of my gaming and fantasy creations ever since I first discovered the joy of Advanced Dungeons & Dragons back in 1979. But despite trying my hand at it a couple times, I always allowed myself to get discouraged by the fearful prophesies and warnings of family and my own doubts. I was always terrified that I would never be able to afford a home, afford a life, if I tried this.
And, so, I would attempt small creations here and there, but never actually tried making a life for myself in the gaming industry. I was convinced I couldn't make it work.
I let fear rule me.
Honestly, fear still does.
But I'm 51, now. I've got more grey in my beard than brown. And despite having been published once (the Chill gaming module, "UnDead & Buried") and created many stories on my own, I've never taken the risk to try this, seriously.
And, so, I've created my first Patreon.
I'm not quitting my day job. But I'm trying to create things and make money doing it.
I've also published my first gaming supplement over on DriveThru RPG: "d20 - A Few Extra Skills".
And...
Damn, I'm scared.
I want validation. I want it worse than all those stand-up comedians who say they want validation. And I'm still suffering through all my mental problems and anxieties. I don't have my life figured out.
But if I don't try this, if I don't take the chance, it'll be another 30 years and I'll be in the grave having never tried.
I don't like uncertainty. I don't like fear. I don't like being hated, ignored, loathed, or dismissed as "not good enough".
But I can't let my fear that my unrealistic desires will never yield good things for me. I have to try!
I don't know if I can do this.
I honestly don't.
But I have to give it a shot.
Yours,
Sylvan (Dave)
This hilarious look at Scooby-Doo and Gentrification comes from Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal. https://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/the-real-villain.
RENT (Semi-)Live!
Jan. 27th, 2019 10:26 pmI just watched RENT on Fox and I truly enjoyed it. I've seen the play, live, before and have pretty much memorized the music. It was different, yes, but I still enjoyed this version.
My biggest problems were:
1. The noisy audience that treated it like a rock concert and kept screaming so damn loud I had to turn on subtitles (despite me knowing all the lyrics; I wanted to *experience* it and not some screaming audience members), and
2. All the people on social media criticizing it for not being the original. It's going to be different and, sure, you don't have to like it ... but don't go around tell me that I'm an idiot for enjoying the production!
But I'd forgotten how this story can effect me. It really can be a gut-punch when you identify so much with several characters.
And that's another thing that I noticed about watching RENT for the first time in years: I used to identify with Mark. Tonight, I identified with Roger.
I feel a bit disturbed by that.
Yours,
Sylvan (Dave)
My biggest problems were:
1. The noisy audience that treated it like a rock concert and kept screaming so damn loud I had to turn on subtitles (despite me knowing all the lyrics; I wanted to *experience* it and not some screaming audience members), and
2. All the people on social media criticizing it for not being the original. It's going to be different and, sure, you don't have to like it ... but don't go around tell me that I'm an idiot for enjoying the production!
But I'd forgotten how this story can effect me. It really can be a gut-punch when you identify so much with several characters.
And that's another thing that I noticed about watching RENT for the first time in years: I used to identify with Mark. Tonight, I identified with Roger.
I feel a bit disturbed by that.
Yours,
Sylvan (Dave)
Danny Villnow - RIP
Jan. 24th, 2019 12:45 pmThe older brother of my best friend when I was a kid, Danny Villnow, passed away, yesterday. He was a great man: a babysitter when I was a kid, a friend when I was a teen, a co-worker at Pasquale's when I was a college student. He was the first gay man I ever knew and it took me by surprise when I learned it. But it was also he who provided the positive example for me when I came out of the closet.
He was so full of warmth and cheer; so kind-hearted! He was the man who showed me what a gay person could be and that I didn't have to hate or fear myself for it.
I'll sincerely miss you, Danny. You were fabulous!
Yours,
Dave
PS - Give Aunt Matilda a hug for me.
He was so full of warmth and cheer; so kind-hearted! He was the man who showed me what a gay person could be and that I didn't have to hate or fear myself for it.
I'll sincerely miss you, Danny. You were fabulous!
Yours,
Dave
PS - Give Aunt Matilda a hug for me.
A Bit Better
Jan. 20th, 2019 09:29 pmFeeling a bit better, now, but yesterday's catastrophuck in the kitchen proved that I'm not the man I once was. It's hard to accept that. And I still feel very alone because of it.
But I'll try to change that viewpoint.
I swear: I'll try.
Yours,
Sylvan (Dave)
But I'll try to change that viewpoint.
I swear: I'll try.
Yours,
Sylvan (Dave)
Rotten Day
Jan. 19th, 2019 10:22 pmI'm done.
Can't even cook anymore.
Dropped my ingredients on the kitchen floor after an hour of careful prep.
Couldn't bend over to pick them up. Couldn't even get up from kneeling for 5 minutes. Tried to get help but no one could hear me, yelling. Eventually managed it but in even more pain.
I'm too fat and always in pain.
What's the point of life at this point?
And all I get are disgusted looks from people; accusing stares implying "This is not only your fault, but you deserve it... You're fat and ugly and unlovable and you deserve it."
And loudest of those people is me.
Can't even cook anymore.
Dropped my ingredients on the kitchen floor after an hour of careful prep.
Couldn't bend over to pick them up. Couldn't even get up from kneeling for 5 minutes. Tried to get help but no one could hear me, yelling. Eventually managed it but in even more pain.
I'm too fat and always in pain.
What's the point of life at this point?
And all I get are disgusted looks from people; accusing stares implying "This is not only your fault, but you deserve it... You're fat and ugly and unlovable and you deserve it."
And loudest of those people is me.
I have to tell you, I adore the comic strip "Scandinavia And The World"! The characters are anthropomorphized representations of the various Scandinavian countries (as designated by their flag-clothing) and, over time, more and more other countries have made cameos. America (both Brother America and Sister America) have been quite common.
The Comic, "Scandinavia And The World" tackles the hostage situation with the United States government shut-down... You can see the original comic, here: https://satwcomic.com/the-biggest-and-bestest-hostage-taker.
And the angry, little turd-ball?
That's the strip's representation of Trump via toupee. :)
Nailed it!
Yours,
Sylvan (Dave)
The Comic, "Scandinavia And The World" tackles the hostage situation with the United States government shut-down... You can see the original comic, here: https://satwcomic.com/the-biggest-and-bestest-hostage-taker.
And the angry, little turd-ball?
That's the strip's representation of Trump via toupee. :)
Nailed it!
Yours,
Sylvan (Dave)
